The Truth

Yada, yada, yada

2007-09-12T23:16:00.000-06:00

And Yada, yada, yada, he died in Iraq.

Just sit right back and enjoy a tale.. a tale of the president

2007-08-15T16:00:00.000-06:00

We join the president and Karl Rove in the Oval office

the president: Come on in Karl, you can help me check these lamps.

Karl: What are you checking the lamps for George?

the president: I overheard Laura on the phone saying there was
a dim bulb in the Oval office.

Karl: I have something important to speak to you about.

the president: Don't tell me we're gonna Shock and Awe another
small country? I say we go for Venezuela this time.

Karl: No, it's nothing like that George... I have decided to resign.

the president: Oh skipper!

Karl: Don't worry little buddy, you still have Maryanne.. er I mean
Condolesa.

the president: Thank God we still have one negro left. They're trying
take my Mexican Karl. But we're gonna hold on to him
like a warm burrito.

Karl: The ship is sinking George, we've got to flee.

the president: But there's something I've never told you Karl...
I don't know how to swim!

Karl: It's just a figure of speech George. Besides, you can't flee
anyway... you're the president. There's a mess in Iraq.

the president: I have a plan to take care of it Karl. I call it the
Final Solution to the Iraq problem.

Karl: You might want to rethink the title of that plan, little buddy.

the president: I'm gonna miss you Skipper. Keep in touch.

Karl: If I don't see you before, I'll catch you at the impeachment hearings.

...To Be Continued

An Email to GOD

2007-08-06T14:35:00.000-06:00

GOD,

I have been trying to contact you for over 50 years. I've talked, prayed, and asked questions with no results, not a hint, not a rumor, not even the wink of an eye. It's almost as if there is no GOD at all. I understand the meaning of faith, but I also understand the futility of blind faith.

I wanted to ask you about disease and in particular, what's the deal with Muscular Dystrophy and illnesses that strike young people and linger on for years, bringing pain and suffering? It must be some kind of joke for you. Pain and suffering must bring you humor and contentment. You sound more like a Comanche warrior than any GOD I know.

Things are not good on this Earth that you created, apparently for lack of anything better to do. What does a GOD do in his spare time anyway? I guess taking care of your creations is not a priority for you.

We are in bad shape now and we need you, but as usual, you are nowhere to be found. You tell us to worship only you, but what's the use? You are the worst GOD ever!

Go ahead and kill me! Make an example out of me for tempting the Lord Thy GOD. Blow something up, throw down a pillar of fire. DO SOMETHING! I am sick and tired of waiting. It's almost as if there is NO GOD AT ALL. If you didn't want me to ask all these questions, then why did you give me a brain?

Yours in fantasy,

Wilbur

Jenny Craig is Missing

2007-07-28T12:54:00.000-06:00

The WS newsdesk has just been notified that famous diet guru Jenny Craig has gone missing. The latest word is that police are currently searching the home of former actress Kirstie Alley. Police fear that Ms. Alley may have eaten Jenny Craig after a particularly hard week of dieting related stress.

Sooooo Totally

2007-07-22T11:58:00.000-06:00

Totally this and totally that,
I sooooo totally killed your cat.

Totally dude, and totally chick,
If you say it again, I'll chop off your dick.

And totally stuff it in your mouth.

And if you're totally a girl and all that,
say goodbye to your little pocket rat.

Totally, totally, sooooo totally I fret.
Aren't you sick of hearing it yet?

Wimp of the Week

2007-07-21T19:12:00.000-06:00

A few years after Scientology cured John Travolta of being gay, he says ‘Hairspray’ isn't a gay film:

(that's right, it's really more of a transvestite film)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19512551/

Rap (music)

2007-06-27T14:50:00.000-06:00

Can't sing, can't play a note.
Bad rhymes are what they wrote.

Jump up and down and scream to a beat.
All dressed alike from their heads to their feet.

Big butts and Ho sluts are what they yell about.
They stand with crossed arms, face in a pout.

This is what's cool today, a sign of the times.
Simple music for simple minds.
Simple music for simple minds.

Boo Fucking Hoo

2007-06-11T22:33:00.000-06:00

What kind of human pond scum would drive with a suspended license and then blame it on her assistant when she was pulled over?

Do you really believe that after being dragged to court in handcuffs and only one night in jail, Paris Hilton has already changed her life?

Or is it more likely that she (or her family) has hired a new publicist?

Doesn't the new Paris sound perfectly Amerikan?

She pledges NOT TO ACT DUMB anymore so that little girls won't grow up to be like her... what a fucking Princess DI wannabe!

Paris said she would try out for cornerback for the RAIDERS, when she gets out of jail.

With those shoulders, she could tackle any NFL running back.

She makes me want to PUKE!

GET OFF MY LOCAL NEWS, YOU HOLLYSLUT!

D-Day

2007-06-06T16:54:00.000-06:00

Sixty three years ago today, the allied troops began the invasion that would be the end of Hitler and his insane bid to rule the world. The brave men who fought in World War II and saved us from that terrible evil are almost all dead now. And yet, I somehow feel that it's a good thing that they are not here to see what their great nation has become.

Because now there's a new threat to the world. A new kind of Nazi party has taken control. A new Fuhrer is in charge. Another Final Solution has been put forth and hundreds of thousands of people have been murdered... again.

But this time the Nazi's are US! The Bush Fuhrer has promoted his Final Solution to the Islamic problem as we try to figure out how to commit Genocide with Honor.

Sieg HEIL!
To the BUSH FUHRER!
SIEG! SIEG HEIL!

And to Captain Winters and his Band of Brothers, and all of the great heroes who fought to save me from the same type of menace that my own country has become, I can only say... I am truly sorry.

Support the Troops

2007-06-04T13:19:00.000-06:00

Support the troops! Support the Troops! Fourteen more U.S. soldiers died this weekend, and all you hear from our leaders is that we all must Support the Troops!

Well, I support those troops who refuse to take orders from an imbecile. We know from the Nuremberg war trials of WWII, that following orders is no excuse when it comes to crimes against humanity.

The Bush gang lied about weapons of mass destruction and created fake documents in order to invade an innocent and sovereign nation and then proceeded to murder three quarters of a million (750,000) people. If those are not crimes against humanity, then there is no such thing.

STOP THIS BOGUS WAR NOW! And prosecute those who started and planned it for their CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.

Medical Mary Ganja

2007-05-31T21:56:00.000-06:00

It might be a holiday.
Your doctor's on vacation.
You're in pain.
You try in vain.
To get some medication.

My doctor's always there for me.
With extreme dedication.
One toke.Some smoke.
And Pain? What Pain?
What were we talking about, again?

Oh Yeah!
Thank God for Marijuana!